


Commitment

by FallLover



Series: It Started Out As a Feeling [6]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Background HankCon - Freeform, Connor & Upgraded Connor | RK900 Friendship, Connor & Upgraded Connor | RK900 are Siblings, Elijah Kamski & Gavin Reed are Cousins, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, RK900's name is Niles, Referenced Gun Violence, Trauma, background ElijahChloe, referenced injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:13:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24829648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallLover/pseuds/FallLover
Summary: Things are going mostly well for Gavin and Nathan, but Gavin's work stress is getting to them both, and Niles wants to move forward with their lives, but isn't sure if they're ready for it.
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900 & Gavin Reed, Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Series: It Started Out As a Feeling [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1304855
Comments: 10
Kudos: 60





	Commitment

They didn’t really talk about Gavin’s late nights. They talked about the nightmares, a bit. Gavin was still a bit too cagey about it, and Niles could tell he was fudging details because Niles was even better at tracking when Gavin was lying these days. They talked about Gavin _not_ talking to Niles, because “I can’t, it’s work stuff”.

Connor recommended couple’s counseling, for everything in general, and Niles and Gavin went once. It finally aired some things, even if _both_ of them squirmed for most of it.

In the end it was a first session and it helped get things out in the open, and they planned to do more but… Gavin’s schedule was overwhelming. They didn’t know how to fix it, other than Gavin asking for a better schedule and trying to help Niles around the apartment more and just generally making time for Niles. Gavin wasn’t getting promoted any time soon, and changing stations wasn’t an option because it would just mean either a longer commute or moving, neither of which would solve their problems and both of which would probably make things worse.

The therapist tried to focus on how it was a team effort, not just all on Gavin, but Gavin felt like this was all him, as usual, fucking shit up.

Gavin sat at a bakery near the station during his lunch break, realizing he was avoiding work again. Everything was just… overwhelming, lately. The cases hadn’t changed. People were still just as awful as they’d ever been. But he just felt… tired, whenever he approached a new case. He reminded himself every case was maybe some way to help someone, and heck, maybe some way to promotion eventually… And money was good to have, you know, generally.

He stared at his phone. He could text Tina. Or Chris. Or anyone in the ‘Snack Club’, as Chris had called it. Their little band of people who made sure everyone had something nice to eat to get through the day. Only that wasn’t enough for _him_ , these days. Sometimes he just stared at his screen and wondered what the _fuck_ he was doing here. Even Tina had commented on how much he was dramatically sighing these days.

He could text Niles.

…He _should_ text Niles. Or call him. But Niles was working. It was a school day. And what would Niles even say? _Sorry you’re bored Gavin, but some of us also have to make money to survive_. _Some of us just get through our shitty jobs and move on with our lives._

Not that Gavin had ever called Niles’ job ‘shitty’. He knew Niles loved it, and Gavin knew it was great for kids. It wasn’t his cup of tea, but it was great work. But Gavin also knew even Niles’ job had its frustrations. Niles just handled it and moved on.

So why couldn’t Gavin?

Once upon a time it had seemed like he was taking charge of his life when it felt like the world was falling around him and his family was kicking him to the wolves. Once upon a time he’d enjoyed the challenge of it. The potential for helping people.

Once upon a time he didn’t have nightmares almost every night, have to stay later because he just moved through work too slowly… Once upon a time he hadn’t looked at the clock what felt like every other minute until he could just _leave_ and not think about the place. Once upon a time he hadn’t been shot in the stomach and didn’t feel something sour in his gut whenever he put his gun belt on.

His personal cell rang with an unknown caller and he picked it up. Could have been someone from the Snack Club he hadn’t added yet.

“Hello?”

“Gavin? It’s Elijah.”

Gavin blinked and stared ahead for a bit. Elijah Kamski. Gavin’s cousin who’d fucking disappeared from everything almost as soon as he started high school? Who’d fucked off to his college programs and left his idiot cousin Gavin behind when everyone finally noticed his genius?

Elijah had never made fun of Gavin, and they had all those years playing video games together and having some solidarity about how shit their families were… But Gavin had still been hurt when Elijah hadn’t once contacted him since Elijah hit 14. Gavin knew he wasn’t someone most people stuck around for – although he always reminded himself he had Niles, he had Tina, fuck he even had Chris and Hank and even Connor these days, and the Snack Club… But still. It hurt.

“Hello?”

“…Eli? How the…? What?” Gavin wondered if the other man still wanted to be called that old nickname.

Elijah laughed. “Yeah, sorry, it’s… been a while. How are you doing?”

“I’m… fine.” Gavin swallowed. “How are you?”

“Oh just… waiting between meetings. Busy. Work, you know?”

“…Yeah.”

“So… you’re still a cop?”

Gavin grimaced. “Yeah, I didn’t turn into a pumpkin or anything, _imagine_.”

“I’m just... I haven’t been in the family pipeline, you know. I mean I can look you up online, but that’s it… I just wanted to know how… How you’re doing.”

Gavin rolled his eyes. “What are you up to? You’re running a company or something right?”

“Oh, yeah, yeah I am. It’s doing pretty well, too. We’re going to open another branch office soon. I’m going to go look at the new site.” He talked for a bit about work and Gavin just listened, wondering if he should make an excuse to leave. But he was supposed to still work on his relationships right? And he didn’t have any _other_ blood relations to work with, so...

So… he should work at it, right?”

“Sounds great,” he finally said, when Elijah stopped for a pause.

“…I know it’s not something you’re interested in. Didn’t mean to talk your ear off.”

Gavin sighed. “I think we both know that you know jack about what I’m interested in.”

“…Yeah. That’s true.”

Gavin blinked, not knowing how to respond to that.

“I mean I didn’t figure you for dropping out of college and joining up with the _cops_.”

“Fuck you,” Gavin hissed, clapping a hand over his mouth at the last second. Two people looked at him. And he realized he didn’t know why he cared, but he was also embarrassed and angry. “Sorry we’re not all brilliant assholes who fart sunshine and drop their friends at a change in the wind direction.”

“Gavin, I—”

Gavin hung up. He glared at the table.

He should call Niles.

But he didn’t want to bug the guy when he was in a bad mood.

* * *

He was waiting for his work computer screen to update hours later when he got a text from Niles.

N: Got some new food for Meatball. Vet says to try this special diet food, so we’re gonna switch to this. [IMG ATTACHMENT]

G: Fuck his appointment was today. Shit I forgot. Sorry.

N: It’s okay. I made it for after work so I could go.

Gavin ran a hand over his face. Fucking _hell_. He’d completely… Just everything lately felt like white noise. And he hadn’t hung out with Niles in a week, really. Work wasn’t picking up any more than usual. It just…

He’d take the weekend off. That’s what he’d do. Take the weekend off, spend time with Niles.

He checked his calendar and sagged in his chair. Niles had that art show he was driving with a friend to on Saturday. But… Sunday they could do something, right?

G: You’re amazing

N: Of course I am

Gavin smiled.

* * *

Niles blinked his eyes open to look out over the darkened bedroom. He could see a very Gavin-shaped lump now on the bed beside him. Gavin hadn’t been there Niles had stayed up. Said he had to stay late today.

Niles smiled and reached out to stroke Gavin’s cheek. Gavin was so out of it, he didn’t even make a noise. But his cheek was warm.

Niles settled back down and shut his eyes again.

Gavin was still asleep and twisted up in the bedsheets when Niles got up and ready for work. He tried to be careful not to make a ton of noise. As usual, Gavin was a heavy sleeper, particularly for Niles’ ‘ridiculous’ school hours, as Gavin had called them. And Niles promptly called Gavin’s ludicrous late nights and weekend work even more ridiculous, to which Gavin laughed and agreed.

Niles walked into the kitchen and noticed something sitting on the kitchen island. He frowned and walked over to it, then smiled.

It was a super cookie, with blue icing writing: To Niles, Amazing Boyfriend

Niles went back to the bedroom and leaned down over Gavin to cover his face with kisses.

Gavin grumbled and murmured, “Wazzit… What?”

“Go back to sleep. Love you.”

“Mnyeah… Love you.”

Niles kissed his cheek.

“Have a good day at work, yeah?” Gavin grumbled.

“Thanks. You too.”

“Niles…”

Niles paused by the doorway and looked back.

Gavin’s eyes were half open. “Wanna do something Sunday?”

“Sure. Did you have something in mind?”

“Naw… you pick. Let me know.”

“Okay.” Niles smiled. “I look forward to it.”

Gavin smiled and shut his eyes, falling back asleep.

* * *

“…Walking? Seriously?”

“You don’t want to go walking with me?” Niles asked as they made their way through the park. The weather was decent, for once. Not too hot, not too windy, not too much sun in your eyes. There was a comfortable breeze. It was just _nice_. There were birds in the trees, people walking with dogs, but not too _many_ people, so they had plenty of moments of quiet. The trees were flowering and the flowers were in full bloom. The park was an out of the way place Niles had found ages ago when he just wanted some time to himself that wasn’t at school.

It wasn’t exactly as picturesque as it sounded but it was fucking close.

“Oh yeah, I _definitely_ don’t want to go walking with my boyfriend on a nice day in a park,” Gavin replied, hands in his pockets as they wandered, aimlessly.

“I mean maybe you don’t,” Niles replied. “Maybe you’re a couch potato.”

“I am, it’s true, I can’t deny it.”

Niles snorted.

“So do I take your hand?” Gavin asked. “Is that… okay?”

Niles considered for a bit. It was a bit overly sentimental for their public relations. Things had warmed up between them in public, definitely, mostly with Connor, Hank, and Cole, and some of their friends.

But he didn’t know anyone here. He didn’t think it should bother him. But…

“Let’s… not do that,” Niles said. “For now, at least.”

“Cool,” Gavin said. “It’s cool. We’ll just… walk around.” Gavin grinned at him.

Niles shook his head. Idiot. Stupid-happy to be around Niles.

Gavin wandered by a pond and stopped, pointed, and said, “Niles, turtles!”

Niles raised an eyebrow and walked over, then smiled. “Wow.”

They watched the turtles relaxing for a while, and Gavin spotted some more swimming around in the water, which looked pretty neat. Then some large fish. A family of ducks. Niles glanced at Gavin out of the corner of his eye and froze when he saw Gavin smiling, the sunlight catching on his hair and face and…

Niles swallowed and looked away. “Wanna get something to eat?”

“Sure!”

They grabbed smoothies and spent hours just walking in the park, talking about mostly Niles’ work, Connor and Hank’s upcoming vacation to take Cole to Disney, the pictures Tina had posted from her sister’s bridal shower (she and Niles were good friends now, after far too many nights out together getting drunk), and they ended up heading home early when Niles started being in very grave danger of ripping Gavin’s shirt off in public and fucking him behind a bush after one too many teasing grins, public places be damned.

That night, after Niles had “fucked me into the bed again” as Gavin said it, they lay curled up under the covers, Meatball in Gavin’s arms, Niles arms around them both, and Niles watched Gavin’s chest rise and fall and wished they had more good days like this. He wanted _more_.

He blinked, winced, and shut his eyes.

* * *

Gavin woke up to find the bed empty and checked the time. Niles was long gone to work. Gavin was heading in late, so he’d slept in. He sighed and got up to go to the bathroom.

 _Should have fucking told him about Elijah_. Because he hadn’t. Done that. At all. There had been plenty of opportunities during the day, but it hadn’t felt like the right moment… “Hey, I know this is great and all, but let’s talk about my asshole cousin now, eh? Damn that dog over there is really fucking cute.”

Gavin’s family was mostly nonexistent to everyone who knew him _because_ they knew him and they knew that’s how he preferred things. So he didn’t talk about them. Ever.

But Elijah… had been the one person he’d have considered talking about. His one friend.

But they hadn’t really been friends, had they? Not if Elijah had been happy going radio silent once his life kicked into gear, ignoring Gavin’s texts and calls and messages. Never reaching out. Not even sending Gavin his address so Gavin could send him birthday cards or care packages or whatever it was nice family members did.

But people didn’t stick around for Gavin. So… So it made sense that Elijah hadn’t, either. Much as Gavin reminded himself otherwise, Elijah leaving was one of the reasons he _had_ to remind himself that things were different now. And he didn’t want to bring that up during a day where things were going well.

So Gavin hadn’t talked about Elijah.

Gavin sighed and decided it was time for a fucking lunch break. As he headed out of the station he paused when he spotted…

“Gavin?”

Gavin blinked and frowned. That… couldn’t be…?

“Gavin, it’s me, Elijah!” The stranger who looked vaguely like and sounded exactly like Elijah on the phone smiled at him. He’d grown his hair out and had it down, and was wearing rimless glasses. He had on a thin green jacket, jeans… Elijah looked good, for him.

Elijah walked forward like he wanted to hug Gavin. Gavin stepped back and his frown deepened.

So Elijah paused and his smile fell a little, but then he shook his head. “Yeah, I guess… Yeah.”

“…What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“…And you couldn’t just… call?”

“Well… I wanted to say… Our new branch is going to be over here, so… I was in the area?”

“…You’re fucking kidding.”

“Yeah, I… wanted to talk to you about that.”

“Thought I wasn’t into that kind of shit?” Gavin said as he narrowed his eyes.

“Well maybe you are, maybe you aren’t, but… let me take you to lunch so we can talk? My treat? Please?”

“I’m working today, I don’t have a ton of time to waste on this.” Gavin’s lips quirked ever so slightly at that. He was worse than he’d been in a while. He should be nicer. He could do _nicer_. Couldn’t he?

Of course _nicer_ assumed his family hadn’t showed up.

“Then I’ll be quick,” Elijah replied, smiling still.

* * *

Gavin unwrapped his cheeseburger and took a bite out of it.

Elijah sat across from him and sipped his drink, watching Gavin thoughtfully.

“So fucking talk,” Gavin said, between bites.

“I’m going to be around more often,” Elijah started, “with the new branch and everything, so I thought… Maybe we could spend time together? Hang out? Like we used to? Try and reconnect?”

“And why the fuck would I do that?”

“…Still in touch with your parents?” Elijah’s gaze was a bit hard.

Gavin took another bite and didn’t respond to that, glaring at the table.

“Yeah, same. Look, I’m not knocking found families or anything, but… I’d like to be with _my_ family again. The only family I ever really cared about, anyway. Which is you, if that's not clear.”

Gavin felt something hard in his throat that had nothing to do with the food. He took another bite to ground himself and chewed it up before he replied, “Hell of a way of showing it.”

“I know… I know. But… I want to try. If you want to.”

“…Yeah. Okay.”

Elijah smiled and sipped more of his drink.

Gavin took another bite of his burger.

“I’m seeing someone, you know,” Elijah said. “Her name’s Chloe. She’s… She’s amazing. I think you’d like her. We met at a conference a while back. Maybe… we could all get together sometime.”

Gavin swallowed his food and said, “Yeah I’m… with someone, too. Niles. He’s… He works at a primary school. We’ve… been together for a while now.”

Elijah grinned. “So how’d you two meet?”

* * *

As they walked back to the station, Elijah lightly touched his arm to stop him.

“What?” Gavin asked. He supposed their talk at lunch hadn’t been _terrible_. But Fowler was probably gonna rip him a new one for taking so long at lunch.

Although Fowler was probably gonna rip him a few new ones for taking so long with _everything_ , these days.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, I respect your decisions, that you did what you wanted to do. But... have you ever thought of going back to school?”

“…What?”

“Finishing your degree? It’d open a lot of doors for you, you know. You could come work for me, for starters. Which, yeah, I get it, not that inspiring, but I imagine it’s a lot less stressful than… than some things.”

“…Did you just do all this to try and recruit me?”

“ _Please_ , Gavin," Elijah scoffed. "Cut me some slack. I’m not _that_ manipulative. Honestly I thought about it when I heard you went into the engineering track and my work was taking different routes than I expected. You and me, working together, building the future. Right after I’d of course apologized a lot for… For what I did. Then… life got in the way. I figured you weren’t interested anymore once you became a cop, and my work took over so I didn’t have much else on my mind. Then my staff were talking about locations for the new branch and Detroit popped up and I looked you up again. I hadn’t… done that in a while.” Elijah smiled. "And... I didn't expect to see what I found."

Gavin grimaced and crossed his arms. “And what did you fucking find?”

“That you were still working here. And… that you were shot. And thankfully survived.”

Gavin sighed. “Yeah, it was… a while back.”

“You could have _died_ and I never…” Elijah swallowed. “I’d help with school. I have money – plenty of it – you don’t have to worry about it. If… If you want to do it. Heck you don’t even have to go into engineering again, or even any of the sciences, I don’t care. As long as you _want_ to do it. I… I imagine it’d shock you,” he snorted, “but being rich opens a lot of doors, too. We’ll find you something to do even if it’s not with my company.” There was a desperate look in his eyes and he’d somehow gotten right up to Gavin without Gavin realizing it.

Gavin swallowed. At first it seemed completely random. And it was silly, wasn’t it? A ridiculous idea. He had a job, a career, he was too old to deal with any of this. And he liked his…

He swallowed. He liked… He… He liked his j...

He couldn’t even fucking _think_ it.

“…Gavin?”

Did he? Did he hate the job _that_ much?

He’d loved school, once upon a time. Loved the challenge of it. It was mostly his family that had soured the experience. The fighting, when he came out, and didn’t have the money to keep going on his own, even with a job, feeling that on top of everything school was just too much at once…

So he’d left. But going back…? When he had a support network and didn’t have to deal with his family – well _most_ of them – anymore?

It was still an intimidating thought.

“…Let me think about it, okay?”

They both stared at each other in surprise.

“It’s… a lot.” Gavin pulled away first. “I have to… I have to get back to work.”

“…Yeah. Call me later? Or text? Okay? And there’s no time pressure on this, okay?”

“…Yeah.”

* * *

Niles was walking through an outdoor shopping mall with Connor when he spotted the jewelry store. He stopped and just stared at the window.

Connor had been looking around for somewhere else to go so he didn’t realize Nathan wasn’t with him. He finally looked back, spotted Niles, and walked back to him. Connor looked at the jewelry store, then back to Niles. “Something wrong?”

Niles quirked his lips.

“What?” Connor asked. “Did you… want to go in?” It wasn’t really Niles’ thing – too overpriced – but if he _wanted_ to…

Niles didn’t say anything as he stepped into the store. He ignored the employees and Connor followed, confused. Niles looked around and finally stopped by a very specific counter and stared down at the items on display.

Connor stopped beside him and looked down.

“…Oh.”

Niles sighed.

“Oh wow. Niles, that’s… That’s great! Really? That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you!” Connor was smiling widely now.

A clerk was standing nearby, but Niles glared him away.

“We haven’t talked about it,” Niles said. “Not… Not really.”

“…Oh.”

“I mean in…” Niles looked around, then lowered his voice, “in _therapy_ , a little, but…” He sighed and glared down at the case.

Connor could see Niles was extremely uncomfortable and trying to cover it with anger, which was normal.

“Do you… want to? Is this something you want?”

“Yes.”

The answer was so quick that Connor raised his eyebrows, but quickly lowered them again to hide it. “Then… you should talk to Gavin about it.”

“I _know_ …” Niles sighed. “He’s just… He’s always _busy_. Or tired. Or… drained. What kind of life could we build with that?”

“Well… we can’t all have jobs with good hours. Hank had some pretty awful hours before he retired.”

“Yes, but he _retired_. And now he’s teaching.”

“Do you want Gavin to quit his job?”

Niles blinked, then shut his eyes. “…I’m an asshole.”

“Niles…”

“I’m a controlling asshole.”

“You’re not!” Connor said, patting him on the back lightly. “You haven’t even done anything! Knowing what bothers you isn’t you being controlling, especially since you haven’t told him yet. It’s… how you work towards fixing the problem.”

“I can’t tell him to quit his job.”

“So… don’t.”

Niles grimaced, then stepped away from the ring display.

“Niles!” Connor followed after him out of the store. Niles was standing outside and staring blankly ahead, with his back to the door.

Connor sighed and tugged his arm. Eventually Niles followed him over to an empty bench, and Connor said, “Stay here.”

Niles sat down, pulled out his phone, grimaced, and put it away again.

Connor eventually came back and handed over an ice-cream drumstick, and opened his own. “So you want him to quit.”

“…I can’t… It’s… It’s not fair to him.”

“Why do you want him to quit?”

“We barely spend any time together.”

“You miss him.”

“ _Yes_ ,” Niles replied, before biting a chunk out of his drumstick. “I fucking miss him, okay? We don’t… We barely do anything together. Before it was like… us finding our space, and then we started easing into things, and sure there’s the sex and food and movies and stuff but just… It’s even distracting during _work_ now. I’m fucking _pining_ at work and daydreaming about… Ugh!” Niles bit more of his ice-cream, glaring at the ground and seething.

“Are you angry… that you’re in love with your boyfriend and want to marry him?”

“Yes!” Niles muttered.

Connor smiled. “It’s not bad to miss someone you care about, you know.”

“I _know_ that. But it feels… wrong. To demand this. I wanted space for my life, and he’s been respectful of that. _Very_ respectful. And he’s not… He’s never intrusive. But I feel caught between realizing I want… _more_ , and wondering if there’s even a point in asking him to go out to the movies with me two weeks from now because he’ll probably be busy or too tired or have to leave in the middle. But it just feels like asking for more and _more_ …”

“You want to spend time with him. And I know he loves you. He’d want to spend time with you, too.”

“But he’d have to give up so _much_ for it… He cares a lot about his job. I can’t say it’s me or his career.”

“You don’t like his job, though. Even outside of all this.”

“…I’m trying to focus on the fact that it’s what he wants, and… I can see it’s hurting him. The bad hours, the stress… And some other things. That are private.”

“…I understand.” Connor ate more of his ice-cream. “You really need to talk to each other.”

“…Yeah.”

“It’s a big step. Even if nothing changes, with his job anyway, and you still propose, which I would be really happy for, you need to talk to him.”

Niles sighed. “Yeah.”

* * *

Gavin’s phone felt like it was burning in his hands, so he set it to the side, and tried not to look at it. He felt jittery, and like he should be doing a million things rather than sitting on the couch in their apartment, waiting for Niles to come home from his outing with Connor.

Meatball was sitting in his cat tree, soaking in some afternoon sunshine. Gavin got up to walk over and pet the brown furball, who didn’t move much in reaction. Looking at the cat in sunlight, Gavin was chagrined to realize that Meatball was getting old. When did that happen?

 _Probably when you weren’t around to see it_.

One benefit he hadn’t thought of to living with someone else was that there was another person to make sure Meatball was taken care of when Gavin was out. It’s not like Gavin forced all the cat duties on Nathan. Gavin still emptied the litter box, fed Meatball when his shifts allowed for it, refilled his water bowl when it was empty, played with him when he had time…

But there were cat toys in the apartment he hadn’t picked out. A _lot_ of them. Two new scratching posts. The water and food bowls had been replaced twice, and he hadn’t had a say in it. Not that he cared that Niles was doing it. The old bowls had issues, as Niles explained, and the new bowls looked good.

Gavin hadn’t been there for Meatball’s last three vet appointments, and it’s not like he went all the time. He wasn’t chronically ill.

It made his decision feel… even more timely. Well, his _tentative_ decision. He hadn’t fully decided on it yet. He just… didn’t want to think about how maybe no time at all could pass before he’d get a phone call at work that Niles was at the vet and…

He swallowed and pet Meatball some more, before leaning down and rubbing his face on the cat’s side.

Meatball purred, quietly.

Gavin heard the door lock move and turned back to the front door, walking over to it and waiting, trying not to fidget too much. He’d changed out of his work clothes, showered, shaved, brushed his teeth… For some reason this felt like a job interview, and he didn’t know why.

At least he’d look good when Niles told him to fuck off.

Niles opened the door and Gavin breathed in deeply. There was no point where the sight of Niles didn’t take his breath away. He was just… attractive. In a way Gavin could always appreciate. Even exhausted and dressed in shitty clothes, he was fucking attractive. And that was hardly the description of him now. He dressed neatly, as usual, and looked ready for anything.

And that was the crux of it. There was everything at work right now, seemingly coming down on him at once, stopping him from going forward with anything in his life. And it felt like it was pulling him further and further away from Niles, too.

And he didn’t want to lose Niles. He _couldn’t_.

Niles’ eyes met Gavin’s and something… warm filled his expression, making Gavin flush.

“Hey,” Gavin started. “How was shopping?”

“Fine. Connor found something for Hank’s mother, much as he fussed over it too much.” Niles shut the door and walked over to the kitchen with his bag, setting his burden down. “I got a fruit tart from this bakery we stopped by.”

“That’s awesome,” Gavin said. He swallowed and ran a hand through his hair. “Hey uh… Can we talk?”

Niles looked up at him, and his expression was unreadable.

“So uh…” Gavin swallowed again. “I uh… was thinking of going back to school. College. Finishing my degree. Well, I’d probably have to restart it, I guess, it’s been too long, um…”

Niles blinked at him.

Gavin swallowed again. He reasoned if he drank something he’d choke, so he just kept on. “I’d have to quit my job. Um… Well I mean that was sort of the point, anyway. Not like getting an engineering degree would do me much good with what I do now, uh… I mean probably it would do something for me, I guess, but anyway, the point is…” He swallowed. “Uh… the idea is to not work where I am now and… hopefully get something more like a 9 to 5 job because I uh… I know we’re not… We’re not together as much and… um… I’m not doing that well at work these days because I just kind of hate it, and that’s just _normal_ stuff and…”

Niles was still staring at him.

“Look, I know it’s a really dumb idea, I mean _me,_ with a regular degree and all that, can you fucking imagine?" He laughed awkwardly.

Niles didn't react.

Gavin cleared his throat. "And… Well… um… You see Eli, my cousin, called and said I should go back to school, finish my degree, go work for him.” Gavin flushed. He should have started with that. He was planning to do that. But he’d fucked it up. As usual. “And he’s doing pretty fucking well, I mean he’s rich, so… So he said he’d help with the money and everything, which I mean, I’m happy to work somewhere in the meantime, not looking for fucking charity, but I don’t want to be a burden on you, so I think it’s a good idea, and he’s got plenty of money so whatever, right?”

Niles blinked.

Gavin scratched and his neck and looked at the kitchen island. “I did a lot of research into it and it… it started making more sense, logistically. I don’t know how much I’ll be doing online or in person, but uh… I could go for more online stuff. It’d mean I could take more of the chore burden off you cause I could be around more to do vet trips and grocery trips and cooking and cleaning and whatever. I know you have to deal with a lot because I’m out all the time.” He swallowed and looked up, then threw up his hands. “Look, would you just say something?”

“…You’re going to quit your job?”

Gavin swallowed. “Yeah, I… Yeah. That’s the… plan.”

“Because your… cousin called you?”

“Yeah, he called… Well it was a couple weeks ago. Catching up, really. We haven’t spoken in a while. He’s kind of… He was the black sheep of the family before I was, you know? Just said fuck it and ran off and did his own thing. We used to hang when we were kids, but we didn’t really stay connected when we got into high school. Now he’s head of his own company and making a fuckton of money and he’s trying to reconnect with people and he looked me up and saw I got shot and he panicked and remembered that I was in engineering before I dropped out for the Academy and offered, because he doesn’t want me to be in danger like that… And it took me a while to work my way around to it and I wasn’t going to say anything because… I mean it’s a stupid idea. I can’t… It’s stupid, right?”

Niles walked around the kitchen island and Gavin looked up at him, worried.

Then Niles pulled him into a hug and kissed him, _hard_.

Gavin was so confused he was kind of frozen in Niles’ grip. When Niles let him go for air, Niles started peppering his neck with kisses and they somehow ended up on the couch.

“Uh… Niles?” Gavin said, squirming a little underneath Niles’ hands. “I’m very confused right now.”

Niles looked up at him from his position about halfway down Gavin’s stomach. There was a hungry look in his eyes. “You want to quit your job.” As if that explained anything.

“And… you’re happy about this?”

“Yes.”

“…Why?”

Niles sat up and leaned back on the couch. Gavin pushed himself up into a sitting position.

“You come home exhausted all the time. And you’re not _here_. And we never… We never do anything anymore. I mean that walk last week was nice, but… fuck, how many times have we just spent half the day in bed fucking in recent memory before that?”

Gavin snorted.

Niles grinned, but his smile fell. “And I… I miss you, you know?”

Gavin swallowed.

“And I know it’s… I know your work matters to you. But you have… you have those nightmares, Gavin, and you don’t talk about them much. You come home… _haunted_ sometimes and I feel like there’s nothing I can do.”

“I… I talk about it at therapy.”

“And I’m glad you’re doing that. Really. But… I don’t feel like it’s enough. You’re still young. There’s just going to be… more. On top of your fucked up sleeping schedule and lack of a life outside work.”

Gavin sighed. “I know. I know, I… I talked to Eli about it. He said I should say something to you. I kind of figured you already were aware and that’s why we haven’t really been talking lately, you know?”

Niles did. It was why he’d talked to Connor first. “Yeah.”

“Do you think…?” Gavin swallowed. “Do you think we’re salvageable?”

“What? Yes, of course we are.”

“But it’s… It’s a lot to throw on you. After everything.”

“Gavin, we live together. I’m in this for the long haul. And not because I signed a contract. Because I want to be.” He moved over and put his arms on either side of Gavin’s torso, leaning over the other man. “I’m with you. If you want to quit, then quit. I’m not going anywhere.”

“But the money… I won’t be making a lot, if anything…”

“You don’t make a princely sum now, if you haven’t noticed. You said your cousin is offering to pay for some of it? Maybe all of it? Let’s see what that means.”

Gavin swallowed. “You’re taking this all really well…”

“You seem to have worked it all out pretty well, and hopefully it’ll help with the stress, although obviously going back to school will be rough. College is a nightmare even when it’s good, you know?”

Niles had looked away for a moment, and then looked back to see Gavin’s expression had fallen. Niles leaned in and nuzzled his forehead. “But you can do it. And I’ll help. I do homework help sometimes, you know? You’re in good hands.”

“…Always am,” Gavin said, putting his arms around Niles’ neck to lean in and kiss him.

Later in bed, with Gavin cuddled up against Niles’ chest, Gavin said, “Are you really sure about all this? I mean, maybe Eli can help with school, but I don’t know about rent…”

“I’ll talk with him if push comes to shove and figure it out.”

Gavin laughed. “Yeah that’ll go well.”

Niles brushed his hair. “Gavin… do you want to get married?”

Gavin blinked. “I… yeah.”

“To me?”

“No, Joseph next door.” He lightly slapped Niles’ arm. “Of course I want to get married to you! Is this a proposal? Are you proposing?”

“No, I mean… yes, but not quite… not like this. I just… I was looking at rings today and…”

“You were…?" Gavin huffed a laugh. "I fucking thought we were gonna break up, the way everything was, and you were…”

“I was glad you started the conversation, really, about your job. I was afraid I’d never say anything.”

Gavin huffed a laugh and leaned on Nathan’s chest. “Fuck. God. I’m just… Today. It’s been a _day_. I need to… Tomorrow I need to turn in my letter of resignation and I’ve never done that before and…” He swallowed. “Fuck it’s gonna be weird. Shit.”

“…You want to come look at rings with me?”

“Yes. Yes, I fucking do.”

Niles smiled and rubbed Gavin’s back.

“…You really looked at rings today?”

Niles snorted. “Yes. We looked at rings. It was my idea and everything. I’m all soft now.”

“So soft. Can’t trust you to talk to Eli, you’re so soft.”

Niles scoffed. “Don’t insult me.”

Gavin grinned.

They were a quiet for a while.

“Did you… Did you want to have kids?” Gavin asked, softly.

Niles was quiet for a while.

“I mean, we don’t have to…”

“I don’t know,” Niles replied. “I… I would have said no before, but… I don’t know. Maybe. I’ll… have to think about it. It’s a lot. I mean Cole’s nice and Connor and Hank having another kid is nice, but… I don’t know. …Do you want kids?”

“…Maybe. I mean, same, really. I didn’t really think about it because I didn’t think I’d ever get to a point where it was a realistic consideration, with my record of relationships, and I didn’t want to raise one alone, but… the idea seems nice. Even if they wouldn’t have grandparents. But it’s a lot. I’m gonna have school, and a new job, and you’ve still got work… And you’ll be at school with kids and then coming home to a kid, I mean… I know people do it, but…”

“It’s a lot. We don’t have to plan it all at once. We’re not getting married tomorrow. You’re not starting school tomorrow. Small steps. We’ll get where we’re headed.”

“Together,” Gavin said.

“Yes,” Niles replied.

“I love you, Niles.”

“I love you, too, Gavin.”


End file.
